Crunch-tastic

Twilight

2011-12-06T18:54:00.001-08:00

I have recently started my books on tape/movie project with Twilight. I do not find the writing to be as compelling as Harry Potter and didn’t love the first book. However, I am enjoying the storyline and intrigued by the world. I also enjoyed the movies and think the baseball scene is one of my favorite scenes I have seen in a movie in awhile.
I notice that it has many of the same themes as Harry Potter: love, self-sacrifice, and bravery. However, I do not feel compelled by them. I don’t cheer on the characters as they put themselves in danger as I did with the Potter series. Here are the reasons I am not as enthralled with Twilight
1. I am increasingly annoyed by the notion that men must protect and control women. While Bella is certainly a strong woman, she is constantly physically and mentally dominated by the men in the book. The notion that she must be “protected” by forcing her to do things either by not telling her something, physically restraining her or rejecting her is not a value that I want my daughter to internalize. For awhile it seemed that Jacob was not going to fall into the role but then he did it too!
2. I just don’t buy that the love is anything but lust (at least for the first book). Bella is drawn to Edward because of his vampire powers (his magnetism) and he is drawn to her because he lusts after her blood. They claim it is other things and as they spend time together one could argue they are learning about each other, but their desires to be with each other are based on the foundation of lust.

These two things really bother me. As I continue to explore the second part of the saga and the future books, perhaps these issues will be resolved. Until then I will continue to enjoy the works but won’t put them on the list of books I want to enjoy with Ella.

Harry Potter

2011-12-06T18:53:00.001-08:00

I am a distracted driver. I text while I drive. In an attempt to stop this behavior, I have started listening to books on tape. After I finish the book, I get the movie from the library and then watch it with my husband. It is great and I am currently recovering from my texting issue. My first book was a silly mystery followed by a period piece about a strong, disabled woman and her frontier life. It was a lot of fun to listen to until her baby was eaten by a dog and another main character had a late-term miscarriage. I arrived at work in tears and realized I needed books that would be “safe”. I am a book snob and had rejected Harry Potter simply because it was popular. I decided to give it a try and fell in love! If there were more Harry Potter books, I might very well line up at midnight to wait for them!
Reasons I loved Harry Potter:
1. The writing was vivid, entertaining, and uplifting.
2. The themes of love, bravery, self-sacrifice, and justice are values that I believe in.
3. The characters were lovable and layered.
4. The experiences of youth were universal. I loved reading about their romances and disagreements.
I enjoyed the movies as well but was annoyed that the duel at the end of the last movie was so different than it was in the book.
I am so excited to read these books with Ella in a few years.

Protesting in Freedom Plaza

2011-10-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

It was Thursday night, October 20th. The High was 63 degrees and the low was 47 degrees. We had guests in town from Ithaca, NY who are very socially conscious. I had the idea that we could camp out in Freedom Plaza or McPherson Square to show our support for the Occupy Movement. I struggled to decide which location to visit but eventually decided on Freedom Plaza. Since we had the toddlers with us, I felt that going with the group that had a permit was a better option. We planned to go on Weds but there were major storms, so we went on Thursday instead.

We arrived at around 5pm and set up camp. Everyone was very helpful and helped up set up our giant tent. It was me, another couple, my 2.5 year old daughter, their 3 year old daughter, and their 5 year old son. We all shared a tent and people thought we were Polygamists!

After we made camp, we attended the General Assembly Meeting. We learned the hand gestures to show our approval, disapproval, to ask a question, etc. It went too long for the kids but someone snuck them some food. A mentally ill, extremely intoxicated man began to rant and was gently escorted away from the crowd. This was unnerving but handled beautifully. The man hung out by the bathrooms after that and the “Peace Keepers” ran escorts to the bathrooms for the rest of the evening, which was nice. I was struck by how “ordinary” the topics of discussion were. They talked about cooking (they were just told that they are no longer allowed to cook on site), they discussed new committees, and they described an action that day where they shut down a bank. I guess I had imagined screaming and chanting. I feel silly, now, that I envisioned a rally.

It was also a very different crowd than I had envisioned. I imagined young activists. Instead, there were a handful of 20-somethings, a handful of veteran protesters, and mostly homeless people. It was really shocking at first, but they let us camp in the “Women’s Only” Section which was nice.

After the meeting, we turned in for the night. The kids loved tent camping. My friend’s son, Lucas, talked about how we were protesting which meant we should yell “Yes!” The kids made up stories from pictures and told them to each other. It was a nice evening, but also a terrible one. At one point we just laughed because everything was a mess: the tent looked like it would collapse, our children looked like they would never fall asleep, it was so unbelievably cold, and we all seemed to have developed a terrible cough. Still, we were enjoying each other.

As we settled into bed, Lucas turned to his Dad and said “We need to go to that meeting tomorrow. I have something to say. You should write it down because I already forgot it.” He paused then added. “But I have another idea.”

Some of us fell asleep, but I could not. I was very cold and my cough was getting worse. Ella basically nursed non-stop and I was so glad she could to keep her warm. I must have dozed off because I woke-up assuming it was 3am or 4am. I looked at the clock at it was 12:45am. I heard shouting and realized there was an altercation happening outside. I gleamed that a homeless man was drinking alcohol, which was against the rules, and they told him to get ride of it. He was clearly intoxicated and shouted threats for several minutes. Again, it was handled beautifully and he eventually left.

This altercation woke up Kristina and we decided we both needed to go to the bathroom. We also lamented that it was only 1am! It was this point that I made a change in my attitude. Instead of this being fun, I accepted it would be miserable. Instead of trying to make myself comfortable, I decided to truly experience the discomfort. I thought about what the other protestors were experiencing every day, what the homeless men in the encampment will experience in a few months, and really thought about why these Occupy Movements are happening. It was a beautiful moment and made the rest of the night much more powerful.

The next morning we woke up at 8am, had breakfast, and attended another General Assembly. I helped Little Lucas get in a “stack” so he could share his thoughts with the group. When they called his number, he marched up to the megaphone and said “I have a great idea! Let’s ask for peace.” Then he smiled and walked back to his seat as the crowd went wild.

I was so excited about the adventure and the camaraderie that I didn’t really take into account the extreme discomfort the adults and the kids would experience. Would I do it again? Not with the kids. If I could go back and do it all over would I? I think so! Am I glad we did it? Absolutely.

If you would like help the movement, the people at Freedom Plaza need socks, hats, coats, blankets, and prepared meals.

Mama Cloth

2011-07-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

So, with my recent "return to fertility" a few months ago, I have been experimenting with Mama Cloth (translation- reusable menstrual products). I LOVE it! I was shocked at how many chemicals are in feminine hygiene products. I feel freshers and more comfortable.

So far I have tried several brands of cloth pads but my favorite is the "fuzzi bunz" brand.

I have also tried sea sponges and The Diva Cup. I like both but find that I have to change them frequently the first few days.

I haven't tried conventional "lady products" since I was pregnant and don't plan to go back. I hope that I can teach Ella about them one day and she can have a healthier body as well!

Night Weaning

2011-07-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

So, Ella sleeps through the night about half the time and falls asleep without nursing about half the time too. Really it is a great situation and usually works great. We have a new foster son and I am exhausted so I decided in a rush to full night weaning the rest of the time.

I didn't give her enough notice and she was having a weird night where she wasn't tired. We said "no more nursing until the sun comes" Well, it was too much to ask her to do in one night because she really wanted to nurse to fall asleep. About an hour later she begged to nurse. I reminded her about what we talked about.

She cried and cried. Finally, she calmed down and looked at me and said "Eleanor sad" (she always says she is happy). I asked why and she said "No want nurse when sun comes up. Nurse mommy. Cuddle bed. Please." It was so sweet and heartbreaking that I nursed her to sleep and will try again in a few weeks.

She is such an amazing creature.

Nursing in Public

2011-05-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just posted on her blog about nursing her toddler in public:
http://alyblog.purpletiger.name/2011/04/why-do-i-feel-ashamed-nursing-my-child.html

It is well written and interesting recap of her nursing journey. I smiled brightly as she described the joy of gazing into a toddler's eyes as they nurse. Sadly, the night before I read this post, I had been harassed for nursing in public.

I was at a restaurant last night and Ella was being particularly cute choosing her nursing position. She had fallen right before we left and had pretty scratched up knees. She wanted to nurse in a position so she could look at the scraps. She finally laid in my lap like a newborn and latched. We were completely covered by my shirt (not that it mattered!). This table of 3 started to loudly give a play by play. "Oh my god! That is disgusting having that baby hang off her titty" The place was loud so I could barely hear them. I looked away and started talking to my husband but they continued with their conversation. Then, every time Ella did something they would say "Can you believe it? That baby can walk and she is still doing that!" "That baby can eat a chip!" "That baby can drink from a straw" It was so annoying! I had planned all of these different scenarios out if they spoke to me. But, I ignored it and they left. I still plan to nurse in public but am hurt that Ella has to be exposed to that.

Like Ally, I had not planned to nurse Ella for 2 years (see one of my first blog posts here). In fact, at my first La Leche League meeting someone mentioned that they were nursing their older child. I turned to the leader next to me and said "I will NEVER do that!" She smiled and said "It is okay. Most women do not." Ella will be 2 next month and we are still going strong!

I am very confident in my nursing relationship, my right to nurse, and the value it has for Ella. We usually nurse in the Ergo and when people ask what she is doing i casually say she is nursing. Ella calls it "Nurse please" so there is no secret when he asks for it. I am proud to be a breastfeeding mother. But, I usually use the WHO recommendations that recommend a baby nurse for "two years and beyond". That usually clams people down but now we are going to be hitting that two years and I wonder if people will hear the "and beyond" anymore.

It will be interesting to see what happens over the next few months. Nursing is too valuable a tool for me to stop nursing in public. It calms her after a fall, it distracts her from running around a restaurant, and it still allows me to connect with her if my attention has to be averted. It also creates some of the best moments of my day.

I LOVE breastfeeding but I do not always love having to constantly defend it.

Here are my nursing photos:

Photo Taken by Amanda Giley

Photo Taken by Amanda Giley

Photo Taken by Amanda Giley

Attachment Parenting

2011-04-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend of mine (who I like very much!) who does not have children yet. During a discussion on child-rearing, the person made several negative comments about “Attachment Parenting’”. I had felt this way before Ella was born but I wondered what the internet buzz was about my style of parenting. I found that many people believed that AP parenting was all about giving into spoiled children and completely missed the science that supports many of our strategies. Not only were there AP bashing blog posts but also AP bloggers writing about Attachment Parenting as if it was an uneducated, lazy option. Then, of course, there was the Wall Street Journal article that said AP was oppressive to women. I was shocked by how much misinformation was out there as well. Many websites proclaimed that helicopter-parenting is the same as attachment parenting, if you don’t bed share then you don’t practice attachment parenting, attachment parenting means grandparents and daycare providers aren’t allowed to bond baby, etc. So, I decided to write a post about what Attachment Parenting is to me. It is not a value judgment on what style of parenting is best but a description of my parenting philosophy.

Attachment Parenting is a philosophy on parenting that involves parenting in the most natural way possible. It includes all people in the child’s life. It involves looking at the biological norms and typically using those methods to care for a child. However, that does not mean it is a checklist of parenting strategies. Beyond the natural living, is the idea that we as parents should trust our instincts. If something feels wrong, then Attachment Parenting says not to do it (even if most APers do it). I often ask myself, "If I was on a desert island, would I do X" If the answer is no, I think about whether or not there is a good reason to do X. For example, on a dessert island I would never have my baby sleep far away from me. So, in my home, the natural thing is for her to be in my bed. However, many other families have perfectly valid reasons not to co-sleep and for them the decision process was different and they had different options to weight. Many people who practice AP do babywear, cloth diaper, co-sleep, breastfeed, and are against cry-it-out strategies to get an infant to sleep. However, this is not universal. AP recognizes that we are trying to do something very natural in unnatural environments. As a result, we all do things a little differently. Some people live in small apartments with nowhere to wash cloth diapers, some people have bad backs and can’t babywear, others have had breast-reduction surgery and can’t breastfeed. Sometimes, parents just choose not to do some of these things.

It isn’t the things themselves that matter, it is more the decision making process. When deciding whether or not to put a child on a schedule or engage in adult-lead weaning, AP parents think about the needs of the child and the biological norm rather than listening to the societal norm or the latest buzz book. Attachment Parenting Parents also typically accept the belief that being with a parent is a need rather than a want and therefore take that need very seriously when making parenting decisions. In theory, we put more weight to the child’s need than our own if there is a conflict. However, there is no rule that the child must win. A parent can still be AP if they decide to choose themselves, when the decision is made with all parties being considered. What makes the family AP is that they seriously weighted the options and knowingly chose their own comfort over their child’s need and had a reason for it. It is about making an educated decision. AP parent can feel proud (rather than guilty) when they occassionally choose their needs because they are choosing the child’s needs in so many other areas. What really matters is the processes and basic values that lead the decision. The decision is not really the indicator of true Attachment Parenting.

I have found AP parenting to be very easy because it feels right not because the strategies are necessarily easier. I have certainly made sacrifices in order to parent this way, but I feel good about every single one of them. I rarely find myself too conflicted in my parenting decisions because I have learned to trust my instinct. If my instinct feels something is right, it almost always is.
So, when I think about Attachment Parenting, I think about making educated decisions that swing in favor of baby. I think of biological norms. I think about gentle approaches when we do choose ourselves over our babies. I also think about families that focus being together as much as possible. I love Attachment Parenting because it freed me from thinking I had to do everything the way it was written in a book. I still consult the books, but I understand that my gut and my baby are the best resources.

What does Attachment Parenting mean to you?

Wi-Fi

2011-01-04T18:43:00.000-08:00

This post has been on my To Do list for 2 months. I attended a lecture where a woman from Moms for Safer Wireless came and spoke in November and she was somewhat compelling. I am not prepared to throw my laptop and cell phone in the trash, but I will make some changes.

Here are the highlights from the powerpoint:

This is the list of short term effects (according to Moms for Safer Wireless) I had trouble finding out where they found these causes and research supporting all of them.
-Sleep disruption
-Hormone disruption
-Impairment of cognitive function
-Concentration problems
-Attention problems
-Behavior problems

Here is a list of possible long term effects. I had trouble finding out where they found these causes and research supporting all of them.
-DNA damage
-Physiological stress
-Altered immune function
-Electrosensivity
-Miscarriage risks
-Effects on sperm quality leading to infertility
-Cancer
-Neurological diseases such as ALS and Alzheimer’s

Interesting points:

1. 56% of cell phone research indicates that there is an increased health risk when using cell phones. When this is broken down, 68% of studies preformed by the cell phone companies showed no correlation between cell phones and health issues. However, there were mostly studies that lasted for less than 10 years. This fact is important because in all but 1 study that was longer than 10 years, there was an increased risk of tumors in the head.

2. Here is info on the studies which show health risks (pasted directly from powerpoint)

A: Fertil Steril. 2008 Jan;89(1):124-8. Epub 2007 May 4
Study in a fertility clinic found that the duration of time on a cell phone directly impacted the quality of sperm.
“Three hundred sixty-one men undergoing infertility evaluation were divided into four groups according to their active cell phone use. CONCLUSION(S): Use of cell phones decrease the semen quality in men by decreasing the sperm count, motility, viability, and normal morphology. The decrease in sperm parameters was dependent on the duration of daily exposure to cell phones and independent of the initial semen quality.”

B: Sperm quality & quantity
The study found men who used a cell phones for more than four hours a day had a 25 per cent lower sperm count than men who never used a mobile. They had a 50 per cent drop in the number of properly formed sperm, “The men with highest usage also had greater problems with sperm quality, with the swimming ability of sperm - a crucial factor in conception - down by a third.” “Men who use mobile phones face increased risk of infertility”, Daily Mail, UK 10/2006 by Jenny Hope; Researchers from Professor Ashok Agarwal, director of the Reproductive Research Centre at the Cleveland Clinic, Ohio, USA & research from India [93]

3. Children's exposure to cell phones is much more damaging than adults because their skulls are not as thick. Here is a photo of an image and an article with more info:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/08/12/cancer-institute-warns-of-cell-phone-risks.aspx

4. Other countries have made moves to limit cell phone use (especially in children). This is also directly from the powerpoint:

Russia
Russia recommends that mobile phones are not used by children under the age of 18. Russia also recommends that pregnant women do not use mobile phones.

France
The French Government has warned that children should limit their use of wireless phones (2002) and is introducing legislation to ban advertising of mobile phones to children (2009)

Finland
The Radiation and Nuclear Safety Authority (STUK) in Finland has recommended restricting the use of mobile phones by children (2009

Israel
The Israeli Ministry of Health has called for children's use of mobile phones to be limited (2008).

India
The Indian Ministry of Telecommunication has recommended that children under the age of 16 should be discouraged from using cell phones (2008)

5. No studies were done on the safety of wireless technology before it was released. Now there is a powerful communications lobby.

This is an interesting article discussing a possible relationship between wireless and Autism

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2007/11/27/how-cell-phones-may-cause-autism.aspx?aid=CD945

Most of this research is correlational but is interesting nonetheless. It is hard to know how much is conspiracy theory and how much is feasible. I think we will make the following basic changes:

-Turn off Wi-Fi router at bedtime
-Put aluminum foil on Wi-Fi antennas (I will only do this is it doesn't affect my signal)
-Take all wireless equipment out of bedrooms at bedtime
-Only use speakerphone or BlueTUBE A "bluetube" is supposed to be best. Here is an example http://products.mercola.com/blue-tube-headset/ But, this guy also sells these so there is a conflict of interest.
-Don't let Ella use the phone unless on speaker
-Don't use computer on my lap or chest

Natural Living Update

2010-10-06T12:08:00.001-07:00

Things are going well with our natural products.

Shampoo Free
I love my hair regime. I still have bad hair days but that was true with regular shampoo. DH has even switched over to the baking soda and vinegar shampoo.

Coconut Oil Deoderant

This is going really well as well. I stopped adding the baking soda because I found it dried on and left a scratchy residue. I think my body just needed to adapt. If I slather it on really well, I don't even smell after a work out!

Oil Cleansing Method

This is going fine. I just switched to a mineral based make-up which is nice. It doesn't need any scrubbing so if I forget to use the oil it isn't a big deal. My skin is still blemish-y which I do not like. I think it must be a hormonal issue. It isn't great but also isn't the end of the world. Other tips are welcome.

Baking Soda is my Friend and Other Updates

2010-08-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

Coconut Oil

I am no longer stinky! I added baking soda to my coconut oil and it is great! I didn't measure it (shame on me!)but I added enough to make it just a tiny bit more liquid-y than a paste. It has been hot and I have been moving furniture and so far so good. I find that I do not feel "fresh" by the end of the day but had Tom do the smell test and he says I just smell like coconut.

No Shampoo

This is driving me a little crazy. Some days I have the most incredible hair! A few days ago it was wavy and shiny and lovely. Other days it is a frizzy, ugly mess. I suppose I had days like that when I was still using product though. I have started adding a dab of coconut oil to my hair when I wear it down and that seems to help a lot.

oil Cleansing for my Face

This is going fine. My skin is just the same as always. I am going to continue this method because it works really well at getting make-up off and I like that it is chemical free. It hasn't changed my skin at all though.

I smell and my hair is frizzy

2010-08-17T08:16:00.001-07:00

Haha! Well, the title is not completely true. I thought it was time for an update on my new natural cleansing techniques.

Oil Face Cleaning Method

This is going well. My skin does look better. I have not had any major breakouts. However, this method draws the blackheads out more and I notice them. When I notice them, I pick at them. When I pick at them, they get all gross! So, I need to leave my face alone. I think if I can do that, my skin will look great!

"Poo-free"

Eh. This is going okay. I haven't given this a completely fair shake because we spent a week in the pool and now the top of my head id braided so my hair is doing different things. My hair is cute with the front braided and curls nicely. It feels a but dry and oily. However, it looks like I have put mousse in it. This one needs some more time before I can decide one way or the other.

Coconut Oil Deodorant

This worke beautifully for 2 weeks! I smelled perfectly lovely. However, over the last few days I am stinky! I decided to mix some baking soda in with the coconut oil and so far so good. I will keep you posted.

Traveling with a Toddler

2010-08-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a vacation in the Dominican Republic. It was amazing. Those who know us, know that we are pretty well traveled. We have volunteered throughout the developing world (Egypt, Ghana, Rwanda, Tanzania, Mexico, India, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Vietnam). We love the bustle of big cities, the calmness of the county side, and all of the craziness in between. We have experienced floods, animal bites, tropical storms, malaria, dengue fever, earthquakes, and many other adventures. We have also met the most incredible people, seen the most beautiful sites, and experienced some of our best moments in life while traveling. I even wrote a book about it "DON'T SLEEP NEAR THE MANZANILLO TREE: HOW TO VOLUNTEER ABROAD INDEPENDENTLY AND SURVIVE"

When I got pregnant we decided to get away “one last time” but decided to try out a resort in the Cayman Islands. It was very different from our usual travel but it was a very wonderful time. We still prefer our old ways but this was fun too. Regardless, we thought we would not travel for years!

Having Baby E in our lives has transformed many things (our eating, our philosophies on parenting, our quest to be more natural, etc) but it did not change our ability to socialize dramatically. We have still been able to go to parties, to have lovely dinners out, and vacation. E is adaptable and loves an adventure. Being a “natural” family made it all pretty easy!

Breastfeeding

Being able to breastfeed E had many advantages.

1. We didn’t have to worry about washing bottles/cups, buying/storing/preparing formula, and/or buying/storing milk.

2. I found it made the adjustment easy. E nursed A LOT this trip. She nursed when she was excited, tired, over stimulated, and maybe even of she got homesick. It helped so much to have something so comforting and familiar for her.

3. It was really nice because I didn’t feel like I needed to worry about being modest. I did not see any nursing but saw plenty of bare breasts on the beach (so many implants)! Occasionally, someone would notice and gasp “oye!” and then smile and continue on. I am not sure if they were surprised to see nursing, to see nursing in the Ergo, to see a white woman nursing, or to see a big baby nursing . . . they were surprised but no one was ever offended

4. It gave me a chance to bond with a few local people. I was reading the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (part of my LLL leader training) on the beach and a random jewelry seller began going on and on and about how wonderful breastfeeding was “it is the love and the food that only mothers can give”

5. It made the take off and landing on the airplane tears free

Cosleeping

Cosleeping worked great because E was totally comfortable in the bed at the hotel. We had a king sized bed (we are used to a queen) so the first night E must have turned side-ways, tried to find me, and rolled clean off the bed! That was kind of sad but she was 100% fine and we all snuggled closer together from then on. Ella slept beautifully from 9pm-9am each day (with nursing in between of course).

Cloth Diapering

This certainly saved us money (we paid about $10 to have the diapers washed by the cleaning service) but I think it was probably just as easy as disposables would have been. They were super easy. We used them, stuck them in a wet bag, and had them washed once. However, we felt good knowing that we weren’t putting garbage in the landfills of such a beautiful location.

Baby Wearing

The Ergo was a life saver. We forgot the Ergo when we went camping last week and it was a disaster (I used a pair of Tom’s PJ pants as a makeshift sling!) I loved being able to wear Ella. I watched people struggle with strollers at the airport, at meals, and even on the beach. We just strapped Ella on and were able to take walks, contain her when she wanted to “watch” the birds with her hands, and when she was feeling sleepy while we were out.

On our 3rd day, we got brave and decided to hop on a local bus and ride an hour to the nearest town. It was great to have the Ergo for the bus and the stroll we took through the town. The town reminded me of Accra (the capital of Ghana) with it’s color buildings, open gutters, and beautiful gritti-ness. It was a bit stressful because we worried about the baby (the pollution, the traffic, the germs). But, I am so glad we experienced it and so glad we had an easy way to carry her around.

Natural Cleansing Methods

This one was probably a little harder. I had to bring our baking soda shampoo, vinegar rinse, oil face wash, and coconut oil deodorant. Also, I keep all of these in random containers so there were a few tiny leaks (good thing I wrapped everything in some recycled plastic bags). It would have been easier to just use the free shampoo at the hotel. However, I am glad we stuck with our natural methods because it allowed us to reduce our chemical exposure and reduced the chemicals that were released into the water shed. I also found that they worked great. We smelled fresh the whole time. Though, this was not more trouble than bringing my own expensive fancy hygiene tools like some people do.

Electronics Free

We made this an electronics free vacation (partially by choice and partially because we forgot our outlet converters!). We used no TV, IPOD, computers, or phones on the trip. It was great to read, chat, and just hang out as a family. When we got home we went back to our electronics right away but hopefully we will spend less time on them in the coming weeks.

We did a lot of things in the natural way. But, this post is not to brag, it is to show that it can be done pretty easily. But, for full disclosure, we also did some not-so natural things:

1. Baby E spent every day in the pool and often lapped up the chlorine. E LOVED the pool. She loved to walk down the slop until it reached her chin, she loved to jump off the edge while holding our hands, she loved to have us hold her tummy while she “swam”, and she loved climbing in and out of the pool. In an attempt to minimize chlorine exposure, we showered about twice a day.

2. Baby E sampled her first juice. Not only did we give her juice but we let her take sips from my Pina Coladas (sin Rum of course). E really loved this treat and spent one layover walking to any person will a straw in a cup begging for their drink. Ha!

3. Baby E also watched her first TV on the long plane ride home. She was ALL over the place so we tried some "Finding Nemo". She watched it for about 20 minutes. I hope not to turn to this as a strategy anywhere other than plane rides. We’ll see though!

4.I ate dairy. A.lot.of.dairy. At first it was by accident. I was half way through my fish before I realized it was covered in butter. The resort was all-inclusive and had amazing food. All of the food had some sort of butter or cheese on it though. I decided it wasn’t worth the stress and went a little cheese happy. Now Ella has eczema on her face and legs! I am strictly dairy free again so hopefully it will go away soon. It doesn’t seem to bother her though.

5. Ella left DR with a pretty dark tan. We applied a lot of sunscreen and the last two days put her in long sleeved pants and shirts (poor thing!) She never burned but I do feel like it is not great that she got so tan. She looks adorable though!

Overall, this was a fantastic vacation. We played in the ocean (one day she asked to nursed while I was waist deep in the waves. We rocked back and forth while I fed her in the bright, clear water), we did aerobics on the beach, we read, we played, we let E roam and followed our little explorer. Tom went deep sea fishing and caught a fish. I had 2 massages and a facial. We also met some great people (Chef Ramon was our favorite). We also got to practice our Spanish and were surprised by how much we remembered!

I am so excited that it is still possible to travel with the baby. We certainly aren’t ready to grab our backpacks and travel by tro-tro but we can relax in a beautiful place. As soon as E is old enough, I can’t wait to take her to volunteer somewhere. In the meantime, I think we will enjoy this new type of travel.

Coconut Deodorant

2010-08-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

Wow! I bought some Extra Virgin Coconut Oil and am putting a few dabs in my armpits instead of deodorant and it is wonderful! I started this new method on the first day of a camping trip. I went 24 hours outdoors and smelled fine! By 36 hours I could smell a slight odor but Tom says he could only smell the coconut oil. Tom has switched to it as well. I did a similar smell test with him and found the same results.

Why Stop Using Deodorant?

1. It is cheaper
2. It smells nicer (coconut oil smells divine)
3. Antiperspirant are actually a cause of armpit stains on clothing. Sweat reacts with sweat to create yellow stains (I had no idea!)
4. Most deodorant contains aluminum. This has been linked to some health issues. There is no conclusive evidence but this is a possibility and avoiding it makes me feel good.

Here are some other blog posts on coconut oil deodorant (some have mixtures but I have just been using the oil straight):

http://www.survivingthestores.com/homemade-coconut-oil-deodorant.html
http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=758680

Here is bonus info on the many uses of coconut oil:
http://www.coconutdiet.com/skin_health.htm

Elevated Lead Levels

2010-08-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

Baby E just got her lead levels back and she rated a 7. The "action" level is 10. It is good that she is below the action level, but the CDC says there is no safe level of lead. Apparently there are several studies that show lead levels below 10 cause impairment. I am having trouble finding the text of the studies but the CDC mentions the results as do several newspaper articles and blogs. I have heard that there is a 1-2 drop in IQ correlated to each increase in lead (I do not know if this is accurate or not). The CDC says "There is no evidence of a threshold below which adverse effects are not experienced. Thus, any decision to establish a new level of concern would be arbitrary and provide uncertain benefits." If any of you have links to these articles feel free to send them along.

My Pediatrician does not seem to be very concerned but wants her retested in a few months. He was telling me how high levels were before lead was removed from gasoline. However, after doing my research, I got a second opinion. This second doctor told me she does not accept anything above a 3 for her patients. My current doctor is not alarmist (which I love) and it occurs to me that I misread his calmness for lack of concern. Regardless, I have decided that I need to take action on this.

I am having a very hard time with this. I am trying not to worry but my stomach ties in knots when I think about this. Ella had a seizure earlier this year (common with high fevers but also a sign of lead poisoning) and she couldn't sit through song time at Baby Gym today (which doesn't mean A THING . . . I know that). I just have to keep reminding myself that everything else is normal. She is advanced in most areas and behind in none. This is so frustrating though. I feel helpless. I don't know what is causing it. I feel like I can't fix it. We spend a lot of energy preventing exposure to toxins. We buy local and organic, we make our own cleaning supplies, etc. We have also decided not to worry about every tiny thing and let her experience her environment. But now, I realize something I didn't worry about is making her lead levels high and potentially causing permanent damage. Is it because I let her put things in her mouth? Is it because we spend too much time playing in the dirt? Is it because I give her water instead of just handing her a damn juice box? I hate this.

I also struggle because I worry that I am over-reacting since she isn't at an "actionable" level. But, even the CDC says 10 an arbitrary number. I just want the lead to go away.

What Are the Options in DC?
I called the water company and found out that all homes can have lead tests done on the water once a year for free! This is very exciting and I encourage everyone to take advantage of this. We have our kits set up to test our water tomorrow. However, I am horrified by this article http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/19/AR2010051902599.html which states that DC and the CDC covered up data which showed that DC water levels were dangerously high. "The nation's premier public health agency knowingly used flawed data to claim that high lead levels in the District's drinking water did not pose a health risk to the public, a congressional investigation has found." This does not effect us but increases our distrust of the system.

I also found out that the Department of Health inspects your home for free with levels over 10. They will do it for levels under 10, but I was told that if they found an issue they would cite me. I would then need to fix the issue in a set amount of time or I would be fined! Instead, they offered me a program that will send someone to my home, test for lead dust in 3 locations, then teach me how to clean lead dust. They are scheduled to come tomorrow.

How Does A Child Get Elevated Lead Levels?

I thought that peeling paint, unfiltered water, and toys from China were the only ways a child could be exposed to lead. We do not give Ella toys that could contain lead, we filter our water, and we thought we had taken care of any peeling paint. Instead, it appears that even freshly painted homes can create lead dust. This dust is apparently sticky and difficult to clean. Little one's like Baby E get it on their hands and toys. When these go in their mouth, they are exposed to lead.

Here is a great summary: http://www.des.umd.edu/os/rest/lead.html

These are the sources of elevated levels that the above site lists:

"House Paints: Prior to 1950, lead-based paint was used on the inside and outside of most homes. It was used to make several colors, including white, and was known to dry to a hard durable surface. Though the use of lead in paint was reduced during the 1960's, it wasn't until 1977 that federal regulations virtually eliminated lead from paint for general use. Homes built prior to 1977 are likely to contain lead-based paint.

Soil: Soil near heavily-used streets and roads may contain lead as a result of past use of lead in gasoline. Lead may also be found in the soil next to houses where the exterior was painted with lead-based paint. Lead buildup in the soil can contribute to high levels of lead in household dust.

Drinking Water: Lead enters drinking water primarily as a result of corrosion or the wearing away of materials that are in the water supply system and household plumbing. These materials can include lead-based solder, brass and chrome plated faucets and in some cases, lead pipes that connect to the service line.

Additional Lead Sources: Old toys, some imported toys, lead-glazed and/or lead-painted pottery, leaded crystal, inks, plaster, hobby and sport activities where molten lead is handled (lead sinkers, ammunition, stain glass work, etc.), and clothing contaminated with lead from the workplace are all possible sources of lead."

Ways to Decrease Lead

This is a work in progress for me because I am still learning what to do. Here are the best tips I have received:

1. Filter DC tap water
2. Repair any peeling paint
3. Wash hands before all meals
4. Ensure toys are not lead based
5. Run water for 1-2 minutes before using it
6. Do not use water from the hot water side for cooking

DC city pipes are made of lead in many places. The CDC has found that partially replacing lead pipes actually increases lead levels. Interesting I thought. http://www.cdc.gov/nceh/lead/waterlines.htm

I hope that the people who come tomorrow will be able to give me more tips.

Ants: I failed

2010-08-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

I failed. The ants were really bad. They crawled on my dishes. They crawled on my walls. They crawled on me. I have spent few weeks waking up, smashing ants, and trying natural methods. All of it has failed miserably. I took out the RAID and sprayed those feisty ants. I had to spray the RAID 2 days in a row but the ants are gone. I feel bad about this holistic failure but this is a journey and today I had to make a tiny detour to MainstreamLand. If they come back, I will try some new holistic methods. I ran out of peppermint so maybe that would have been successful if I had persisted. I will try that first next time. Oh well!

Skin update

2010-08-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

The Oil Cleansing Method is going well. It takes 2 minutes to wash my face. I had no idea how long that feels! It is nice because I make sure I get those 2 minutes to just relax while I massage my face and put the hot towel on it. It sounds so silly to type that a 2 minute break feels good!

Things I like so far:

1. Skin feels soft
2. Relaxing
3. Feels nice
4. Cheap
5. Toxic free
6. It gets my make-up off better than soap did

Things I dislike:

1. I have to use soap to get the oil off of my hands
2. I still haven't figured out how to breath with the cloth on my face
3. I get all wet and the floor gets wet from the wash cloth (probably user error!)

Things that are neutral:
1. So far I haven't noticed any changes in mt acne

I have done this a few times in the shower and a few times at the sink. I much prefer the shower. One of the main reasons I prefer the shower is that when I look in the mirror, I end up picking at my face. It seems to work better for me not to stare at my face while I clean it.

I am excited to see what happens over the next few weeks. My skin looks the same so no photo.

No Shampoo- brushed straight

2010-08-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

I decided to try something new with my hair. I have been combing it after my shower and then letting it dry without scrunching it up. My hair feels amazing when I do this. I don't love the look but maybe I will in time. I am completely amazed at how soft and healthy my hair feels. I have not had any itchiness or discomfort.

This is not the best shot (it was 8pm and I had been cooking in hot kitchen) but it gets the idea across.

Washing My Face Using the Oil Cleansing Method

2010-07-29T22:03:00.001-07:00

Starting this blog has motivated me to try all kinds of new things (keep an eye out for coconut oil as deodorant!) Today I tried washing my face with sunflower oil and castor oil. My skin has always been pretty good. However, since baby was born my skin has been terrible (probably due to no more bc pills). My chin is the worst and I am constantly breaking out. It is unsightly and painful so I am trying to find a good way to deal with it.

At the beginning of the summer I stopped wearing make-up and using soap. I did this for many of the same reasons that I am going shampoo free

A. Soap and other acne products can be harsh on skin and damage it. That damage can make the skin more vulnerable to breakouts.

B. I want to stay away from putting chemicals on my body (see the article mentioned above from the National Geographic Website called "The Dirty Dozen Chemicals in Cosmetics" by Catherine Zandonella. http://www.thegreenguide.com/personal-care/dirty-dozen

C. I hope it will be cheaper.

D. I hope it will clear up my skin.

I went without using soap or makeup on my face for 6 weeks. My skin did not change (for better for for worse) noe did it get oily. I did find that I looked less professional and the redness that my foundation conceals did not go away. I eventually gave up and started my make-up and soap routine again.

I think my problem may have been that I didn't replace the soap. I have done some research and come across many different ways of washing my face with oils. Here are a few links:

http://www.theoilcleansingmethod.com/
http://simplemom.net/oil-cleansing-method/
http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com/sortacrunchy/2009/08/from-the-archives-oil-cleansing-method.html

Here are my before pictures (I can't believe I am posting these online!)

My skin wasn't too bad yesterday and this was fresh from the shower after a face cleaning with my Proactiv solution.

Today I started the new method.

1. I mixed a batch of facial cleanser using 25% Castor Oil to 75% Sunflower Seed Oil. Like the hair solutions, everyone suggested something different so we will see if this works out.

2. I plan to wash my face at night. The websites all suggest only doing this once a day to prevent my skin from drying out.

3. I put a quarter sized squeeze of the mixture onto my hand and gently massaged it into my face for one minute.

4. I placed a wash cloth under hot water and placed it on my face for one minute (not sure how people breath during this part)

5. When the minute was up, I gently wiped my face.

This is supposed to activate my pores and leave my skin fresh and clean.

I did this tonight and I think I used too much oil. My skin looks fine but feels very oily. I also had to use soap to get my hands clean and am not sure where to wash the oil soaked wash cloth. I wonder if I can put it with my regular clothes? Anyway- this will take some agjusting and problem solving but I plan to give it a few weeks.

Saundra

Shampoo -free-frizzy-head

2010-07-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

I have been shampoo free for a few days now. My hair feels clean and dries super fast (weird?). It is still soft and it is not oily at all. I used my mixtures today because it was tangled. The vinegar mix immediately took all of the tangles away. However, my curls are not beautiful. My hair is still frizzy and all over the place. I will give it a few more days and update.

Shampoo Free . . .

2010-07-27T20:38:00.001-07:00

Here are the photos of my hair after using shampoo and conditioner but no other hair product.

I have been shampoo free for 2 days now. I don't have any pictures yet but will try to take some tomorrow. My hair feels soft but it is not very curly. It is not greasy at all and I am surprised that it is not a tangled mess. I had to wear it in ponytails the past 2 days because I looked wild! I hear it takes some time for hair to adjust.

Saundra

This isn't working . . . ants again

2010-07-26T19:32:00.001-07:00

Quick update: Ants are EVERYWHERE. I am heading to Whole Foods to see if they have anything I can use.

Ants . . . continued

2010-07-25T22:35:00.001-07:00

Well, the cinnamon sort of worked. The ants have stopped coming from their original spot and are now coming from the cabinet midway up the wall. This is good (I guess) because the cinnamon worked a little. It is bad because I can't put cinnamon on the new spot. I will leave the cinnamon where it is and try some peppermint essential oil as MaverickMama recommends on the new spot. While trying to find the source of the new ant trail I found that we have an old can of RAID. I really want these natural remedies to work . . . but boy that can is calling my name.

Going Shampoo Free

2010-07-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

I have decided to go Shampoo Free. I tried to go soap free on my face for about 6 weeks at the beginning of summer and I wasn't impressed. I want to keep wearing make-up for now so I have decided to try forgoing shampoo this time instead.

Why go shampoo free?

A. We are trying to get to a point where we don't put things on our bodies that can't go in our mouths (we'll see if we get there). Shampoos are made of chemicals and I would like to avoid placing them on my body once a day. I took a look at the ingredients on my shampoo and used my handy dandy Google option and looked up all of the chemicals. While I was doing this I came across an article on the National Geographic Website called "The Dirty Dozen Chemicals in Cosmetics" by Catherine Zandonella.

http://www.thegreenguide.com/personal-care/dirty-dozen

Of the ingredients she listed, several were in my bottle:

4. 1,4-Dioxane
1,4-Dioxane is a known animal carcinogen and a possible human carcinogen that can appear as a contaminant in products containing sodium laureth sulfate and ingredients that include the terms "PEG," "-xynol," "ceteareth," "oleth" and most other ethoxylated "eth" ingredients. The FDA monitors products for the contaminant but has not yet recommended an exposure limit. Manufacturers can remove dioxane through a process called vacuum stripping, but a small amount usually remains. A 2007 survey by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics found that most children's bath products contain 10 parts per million or less, but an earlier 2001 survey by the FDA found levels in excess of 85 parts per million.

6. Fragrance
The catchall term "fragrance" may mask phthalates, which act as endocrine disruptors and may cause obesity and reproductive and developmental harm. Avoid phthalates by selecting essential-oil fragrances instead.

9. Parabens
(methyl-, ethyl-, propyl-, butyl-, isobutyl-) Parabens, which have weak estrogenic effects, are common preservatives that appear in a wide array of toiletries. A study found that butyl paraben damaged sperm formation in the testes of mice, and a relative, sodium methylparaben, is banned in cosmetics by the E.U. Parabens break down in the body into p-hydroxybenzoic acid, which has estrogenic activity in human breast-cancer cell cultures.

While all of this is scary to read, I do understand that the argument is that people have limited exposure (5 minutes or so) and that there is not evidence linking this amount of contact to the toxicity listed above. However, I imagine that repeated exposure could be dangerous and since there is not much research to show that it is safe, I have decided it makes sense to try to avoid it.

B. The other reason I am going shampoo free is because it is better for my hair. After doing much reading, it seems like shampoo and conditioner and hairspray are "domino interventions"! Hair produces a compound called sebum which makes the hair shiny. Too much sebum makes the hair look oily. Shampoo strips the hair of sebum. However, it does it too well and leaves the hair dry. Conditioner creates an artifical sebum and then the hair looks healthy again. Throughout this, a person's scalp begins to over-produce more sebum to replace the old sebum and the hair gets oily etc. It becomes a vicious cycle until a person needs to shampoo everyday. Going shampoo free is supposed to allow the scalp to "reset" so that it produces the correct amount of sebum and is supposed to make my hair healthy and beautiful. :)

C. I hope it will end up being cheaper. I don't spend a fortune on hair products but it adds up. I would love to be able to skip another aisle at the grocery store (we already get to skip baby food, diapers, formula, feminine hygiene, and cleaning supplies).

D. I am hoping it will make my hair pretty. This one is very vain but true nonetheless.

I am armed with how-to materials:

http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com/sortacrunchy/2009/05/shampoofree-why-and-how.html
http://thaitrait.blogspot.com/2008/11/this-is-long-post-about-baking-soda.html
http://babyslime.livejournal.com/174054.html

This is what my hair looks like with shampoo, conditioner, mousse, and hairspray.

I made a wash of water and baking soda and put it in an old water bottle. I used 2 cups of water and 4 tablespoons of baking soda. I am getting conflicting suggestions on this so we will see how this goes and I will add more baking soda to the mix if I need to. I plan to use this every 3-4 days to start off with.

I also made a rinse of Apple Cider Vinegar and water in an old shampoo bottle. I used 1 tablespoon ACV with one cup of water. I added 5 drops of peppermint essential oil to make it smell nice. I plan to use this once a week.

I want to have a nice control picture so next I will post pictures of my hair with shampoo and conditioner with no hairspray. Then I start no shampoo!

Trying to get ride of Ants with Cinnamon

2010-07-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

This summer has been very hot. I mention it because I blame the heat on my bug problems. This summer we have had beetles, carpet bugs, spiders, and ants. I supposed it could be a reflection on my house cleaning, but I really think it is the heat. The ants are my current problem.

I kind of like ants. I find them interesting and am impressed with their strength, cooperative nature, and resilience. However, when they enter my home, I hate them. I have not had ants in my kitchen before but battled them on our enclosed porch a few years back. I used my handy dandy can of RAID and they were gone on 2 or 3 applications. Since these ants are in my kitchen and in a place where the baby and cat play, I have decided to try some natural remedies (plus we are trying to avoid chemicals as much as possible)!

We have decided to try to keep pesticides from our home for several reasons.

1. I am concerned about their impact on the environment through run off. If used outside, run off in DC ends up in the Anacostia River (which is also our water source). While a tiny bit a RAID will not have a major impact, we would like to try to do our part.

2. Since it is toxic if ingested, I do not want my baby or my cat to become ill.

3. I am concerned about residue from the poison being tracked across the kitchen on the feet of dying ants (silly?)

4. I am nervous about my ability to clean all surfaces where the RAID was sprayed well enough to feel safe putting food/dishes on it.

Today's Idea:

Cinnamon

Here is a link to the article about it: http://www.ehow.com/how_2310653_get-rid-ants-cinnamon.html

This is what I have done:

1. I have cleared the side of the counter where the ants seem to come in (it looks like the are coming through the wall from the neighbor's house).

2. I poured cinnamon along the wall and on the ants in the trail (which lead into my sink of dirty dishes . . . how do people find time to do dishes everyday?)

Now I will wait.

I have to say this is not my favorite method so far. The cinnamon keeps getting wet from the sink, the power has ended up on the floor, and it looks pretty ugly/messy.

I will update tomorrow on the progress.

Saundra

A topic has been chosen!

2010-07-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

About 18 months ago I walked into my OBs office. I was 4 or 5 months pregnant and I confessed that I was feeling depressed. My OB laughed at me, said "You're pregnant", and walked out of the room. I was so upset by the treatment that I received that I searched for a new OB. I asked my neighborhood listserv and many women recommended a birth center with midwives. Craziness! I didn't even know midwives existed still (didn't they deliver babies during the Frontier Days?) I wanted the "safety" of a hospital birth. I wanted an Epidural. I wanted free formula samples. However, I was desperate and decided to check out the location.

During this same time in my life I went to Taco Bell once a week, I trusted doctors 100%, and I had never been inside of a Whole Foods. I was pretty healthy, exercised, and tried to eat a balanced diet. But, as one may guess, I was not a conscientious consumer. I really relied on the notion that industry was regulated, the medical field was well-trained in ALL areas, and anything suggesting otherwise was a crazy conspiracy story.

Some days I feel like I should write a Thank You note to that OB. If she had been kinder to me that day (or had called me back right away a few months earlier when I had heavy bleeding) I am not sure that I would have embarked on this journey towards holistic living.

Over the last 18 months, our family has slowly become more and more "crunchy". We cloth diaper, we practice Elimination Communication, we introduced solids using BLW (Baby Led Weaning), we practice Extended Breastfeeding (and I am working on becoming an LLL leader), we co-sleep, we have use an alternative vaccine schedule, we buy all of our meat, fruits, and veggies from a farm and get the rest at Yes!, I make my own cleaning supplies, and we are exploring homeopathy. We don't always do these perfectly, but we try our best. All of this started with the midwives educating me on the value of natural childbirth and breastfeeding. Once I realized how the system was sabataging the efforts of women who wanted to do both of these very natural, biological things, I began to look at other parts of life with that new lens. Projects that I hope to do soon include growing my own food, canning food, going shampoo free, and using Mama Cloth.

This blog is going to catalogue my journey. I will discuss my current projects and will probably discuss projects we have tackled over this last 18 months as well. I hope the give tips for people who are interested in these choices and I hope to include the reasons that I found compelling for the choice. I would like to say, though, that there is no judgement here. Holistic living is not a checklist of items that make a person "good enough". Holistic living is a framework. It is being open to new ideas and looking at data when making decisions. For me, it also means trying to pick the options that are as close to the biological norm as possible. My conclusions may be different than another person's. Something I think is crazy this week might be something I try in a year and it may be the same way for my reader. Please comment, ask questions, and even disagree but attacks or hurtful comments will be deleted.

I am excited to start this blog and share our journey (I know it sounds corny but it really is a journey complete with stops, starts, and backtracking!)

Saundra

My BFing story

2009-10-06T09:07:00.001-07:00

I am speaking at a Ped conference re: tongue tie next week and they asked me to write up a personal story that can be given to mom's . . . this is what I wrote

When I was pregnant my husband asked me if I was going to breastfeed. I told him “no.” Eww! Breastfeeding was gross. I wasn’t breastfed, breasts were sexual, and I didn’t want to be “stuck” with my baby ALL the time. My husband asked me to do some research. I went to a breastfeeding event at my birth center, read a few books, and attended classes at the breastfeeding center. After I learned about the health benefits to me, the benefits to the baby, and the overall science associated with “natural parenting” I was convinced to try for 3 months.

When Ella was born, it all changed. Nursing just felt right. Between the hormones, the support of my family, my education about the benefits, and the closeness I felt to the baby, I realized I was not only willing, but wanted, to nurse Ella past three months. I committed myself to a year and hope to make it to two years.

However, our nursing relationship began with a rocky start. I had done so much research and was promised nursing would not hurt. Well, within 2 days, my nipples were badly damaged. I went to my birth center for help and they sent me to the Breastfeeding Center. I was happy to pay my fee because I figured they would help me. I burst into tears when I was told that Ella had a tight frenulum but that I needed to wait a week or two to see if it fixed itself.

Eleanor had a posterior frenulum. This is also called a tongue tie. This means that she has some extra skin under her tongue. It made if difficult for her to keep her tongue in the appropriate location for nursing. Instead, she would bite me to nurse. Posterior means that the skin is far back in her mouth and probably the most difficult to detect.

Ella’s latch looked perfect from the outside. Her lips spread, her neck was back, and her body was facing me. But inside she would slide her mouth back on my nipple. A lactation consultant had come to my home and when we turned her upside down to get a picture, her tongue made a perfect heart shape (which is what typically happens with severe tongue tie).
I had to exclusively pump to protect my supply and realized that for the past few days I had been delaying Ella’s feeds because of my pain. We fed her with a syringe, she gained weight, and was very happy.

After talking to several moms and doing a great deal of research, I decided to get her frenulum clipped. I took her to the pediatrician who told me babies as young as Ella could not have the procedure done. I went home, printed the articles I had been reading, and brought them to her. She finally wrote me a referral to the ENT. I had to sob on the phone to finally get an appointment sooner than 3 months away. They saw me that day.

The procedure was simple. My husband held Ella on his lap, the doctor used q-tips to hold her mouth open, and he snipped the extra skin with a pair of scissors. She cried the whole time, which was hard, but did not cry louder when they clipped her tongue than when they opened her mouth. This proved to me the procedure did not hurt her. She nursed right away and I was able to put the pump away. It was the best thing we could have done. The procedure really preserved our nursing relationship and I am so glad we did it.

At about three months, I started to have pain again. It started off slowly and then one day she refused to nurse unless I was lying down. She began crying frequently and lost weight. Unfortunately, Ella’s tongue had scarred and re-tightened. We had to have it re-cut. This time, it was cut much further back and things worked perfectly again. It is rare to have to re-cut the tongue and it was stressful. But, I do not regret either procedure at all. Both allowed Eleanor and I to continue a wonderful nursing relationship.

On the way to the procedure, I burst into tears. I confessed to my husband that I felt like I was getting surgery preformed on my baby for my own comfort. He reminded me that I was making it easier for her to eat, possible for me to feed her naturally at the breast, and could prevent her from future speech impediments. Again, I am so glad that she was able to have this procedure done. She is so happy, is so fat, and my body feels great everytime I feed my baby.

Late Night Ramblings About #2

2009-10-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

Well . . . mommy hormones are an interesting thing. I am pretty sure it is nature's way of ensuring we continue to have babies. Tom and I have planned to have one baby and adopt #2 from Africa. We have spent a lot of time in orphanages abroad and we would love to bring home a 2-3 year old when Ella is around 5 years old. But, when I look at Ella, nurse her, hug her, and watch her play, I think about having another baby. I have been catching myself talk about "when I do this again" in conversations about labor and pregnancy.

I HATED being pregnant. I was super sick, had a lot of physical pain, and several early labor scares. I was miserable. I do not want to do that again! :) But, I often find that I am romanticizing the parts I liked (feeling her kick, rubbing my belly, kind comments from strangers). I must be crazy!

As I let my mind wander, I think about having a teeny tiny baby. I also think about how lucky we are that we have a perfect, healthy, happy baby. We got pregnant the first time trying and never had a loss. So many of my Mommy friends have had multiple loses and I can't even imagine going through that. I also think about what would happen if number 2 had health issues or Autism . . . It makes me feel like we are pushing our luck to try for another.

These concerns make me feel better about adopting. Then, I think about the care we are taking to ensure all of Ella's physical and emotional needs are met . . . and that I will be bringing home a baby who did not get that. But, it helps to remember that many of the babies in the orphanages we worked in were pretty well adjusted and we plan to move to the country we are adopting from for several months to ensure the orphanage is a healthy environment and our baby is well attached to us before we leave the country. I am confident we will have a wonderful toddler but it still makes we wonder.

So, this post does not really mean anything. No decisions, no real revelations . . . just putting my thoughts is writing. I love having a baby and my body is trying to convince me to have another :) I am going to tell it to be quiet, leave me alone, and let me just enjoy Ella right now.

Saundra

Motherhood

2009-09-27T22:49:00.000-07:00

Life as a mother is very different than I expected it to be.

I have always been a career driven woman. I love my work (as a Board Certified Behavior Analyst), I am good at my job, and I have enjoyed being independent. I have a solid education (graduate degree etc) and have always been successful. When Tom and I decided to have a baby, I did not think any of this would change.

I imagined I would love my baby and I was very excited to raise her. But, it never occurred to me that I would want to be a stay at home mom. I never thought I would want to breastfeed past 2 years old. I never thought I would want to carry her in a sling all day long. I never thought I would want her to sleep in my bed. I never thought I would spent all my time thinking about her.

When Eleanor was born, this all changed. I am amazed by how much I want to be near her. I still love my work but would be willing to leave it behind for a few years. I will continue to work because we need the income and because I am really making a difference in the lives of the families I work for, but every time I leave Ella (who happens to be having trouble with the separation and cries the entire 4 hours I am away), I feel so sad.

Tom made me a CD of songs from my labor. I listen to that while I drive to work (I only work 15 hours a week) and that helps a little. I think about my labor, her birth, and how amazing that experience was. I sometimes think about what it would be like to have a second (though our plan has always been to adopt #2). I often daydream about having a second infant.

When I was pregnant, I worried about being "tied" to my baby. I feared the lack of freedom, I was grossed out about breastfeeding, and I was nervous that I would be bored with my infant. Nothing could be further from reality.

I am so happy with my baby. I do feel tied to her . . . . but in such a wonderful way! Everything is better than I imagined. While Motherhood has been hard at times, it so much more incredible than I ever could have imagined. Breastfeeding took some time to work (Ella's tongue-tie has been a challenge but 2 clippings later we are doing well), it is hard being alone all day and I do wish Tom were home more (I am so lucky to have him for every summer though and Ella and I have a great time alone), and sometimes I am exhausted. But, right now, I am at the point where I can not imagine life without Ella and I am so in love with her I can barely stand it. I am so happy to be a mom.

I hadn't intended this entry to be so sappy . . . but that is what happens at 2am I suppose.

Thanks for reading.

Getting Started

2009-09-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have always been intrigued by the world of Blogging. I have recorded my travel journals on MySpace in coffee shops throughout the world and sent "update" emails to friends and family since moving to college. Now, I want to make it official. I am unsure as to the true theme of this Blog. I imagine it will mostly revolve around my new baby, Eleanor. I am unsure who will read this, or if anyone really cares what I have to say. But . . . I plan to type (using too many ellipsis) and see what happens.

Thanks for reading!

Saundra